The Travel Journal of Col. R Farquhear 1886-1911: January 2009

Welcome Fellow Travellers

Welcome to the world of another era, to the Oriental meanderings and the seething jungle-infested imagination of Colonel Reginald Farquhear, Royal Camel Corps (retired). Settle back on your chaise longue with a cool mint julep (or a relaxing gin and tonic, recommended by Doctor Yorrick) and some fresh cucumber sandwiches (or a half dozen of Miss. Leonora's lamingtons) and let the Colonel take you away, far away, but not too, too far.... just far enough, so you can make it back for tea (and crumpet).

Play It, Lola, On Your Pianola

This is the new home for the 'Singalonga with KAC'. Happy crooning to all!!!

Oft times, the company gathers at one of their elegant abodes to sing along to many an old-time music hall tune. Stimulated by these get-togethers, the Colonel has been inspired to write a small ditty in celebration of the company's many faceted character. Most imaginatively, he chose to entitle it 'The Katoomba Amusements Company Song'. And here it is for you all to sing along to.

Everybody ready now. And-a one and-a two:

(All)

We're the Katoomba Amusements Company

And we'd like to be your fantasy.

We'd like to take you for a swim

(Gentlemen) Back in time to when the lights were dim

(Ladies) Back in time to when the lights were dim.

(Ladies)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

At first was 'Ladies Only' you see.

We let these funny men apply

And it's ended up like a real pigsty

(Gentlemen) It's ended up like a real pigsty.

(Gentlemen)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

Was for those who love embroidery

We joined and made it a 'Gentlemen's Club'

A place for bridge and a 'rub-a-dub-dub'

(Ladies) A place for bridge and a 'rub-a-dub-dub'??!!

(Ladies)

In our amusements company

We like to invite our friends to tea.

We bake our cakes and sit and talk

Of who's had a visit from the friendly stork

(Gentlemen) Who's had a visit from the friendly stork. (Harrumph.)

(Gentlemen)

With our amusements company

Talk of war comes eventually.

And matters of business large and small

Certainly not fit for ladies at all

(Ladies) Certainly not fit for ladies this tall!

(Ladies)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

Has been a major lay-adies victory.

Our suffrage gave us all a chance

Of music 'n' acting and a little bit of dance

(Gentlemen) Music 'n' acting and a little bit of dance.

(Gentlemen)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

Will come back to us in time you'll see.

We're planning now our next campaign

We just have to hope that it doesn't rain

(Ladies) Just have to hope that it really does rain!

(All)

We're the Katoomba Amusements Company

And we'd like to be your fantasy.

We'd love to take you for a swim

(Ladies) Back in time to when the lights were dim

(Gentlemen) Back in time to when the lights were d-i-i-i-m.

Now, wasn't that jolly invigorating?!! Almost as good as a cross country run, wouldn't you say?

Well, now that we've 'struck the first chord' as it were, we'll be adding more songs for you to sing along to around your home pianolas.

Next week, it's: "Let's All Go Down The Strand!!"

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Here we are again ladies and gents, girls and boys, and others! Your weekly 'singalongawithKAC' (no groaning down the back there). This week's gem is the stirring 'Let's all go down The Strand'. And we might ask the Colonel to strike up his military thingamajiggy and 'lead the band'.

One night half a dozen tourists

Met together in Trafalgar Square

A fortnight's tour on the continent was planned

And each had his portmanteau in his hand

Down the Rhine they meant to have a picnic

Till Jones said i must decline

You boys have been advised by me

Stay away from Germany

That's the good of going down the Rhine

Chorus:

Let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)!

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what you can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand.

One day five and twenty convicts

Sat in five and twenty little cells

The bell then sounded ding-a-ding-a-dong

To exercise the prisoners came along

Burglar then exclaimed to Jacks the warden

"To me sir, it's very strange

"The men are tired of going round

"Round and round the same old ground

"I propose we make a little change".

Chorus!

Let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what we can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand.

Grey crowds gathered round to welcome

Shackleton returning from the poll

The lord mayor welcomed all the galant crew

And said "My lads, i've got a treat for you

"Come with me, the mansion house awaits you

"A banquet shall be supplied".

But a towering grumbling mood

Said "We don't want any food",

Then he turned to Shackleton and sighed.

Chorus:

Oh let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what you can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand.

Oh let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what we can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand

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Well, all in all it has been a tad too cold recently to venture out for our weekly singalong. However, this week we toddled forth and had a grand time roasting the old favourites and singing chestnuts. Or should that be the other way round??!!
Anyway here's the top pianola roll of the week, that cheery little number,'Where did you get that hat?' And keep an eye out for future glimpses of our jolly little animated pictorial entitled 'The Hat'. A well-received contender in the recent Winter Magic Festival short film screenings.

Here we go then, and-a-one-and-a-two-and-a....

Now how I came to get this hat, 'tis very strange and funny,
Grandfather died and left to me his property and money;
And when the will it was read out, they told me straight and flat,
If I would have his money, I must always wear his hat.
CHORUS:
"Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?
Isn't it a nobby one, and just the proper style?
I should like to have one Just the same as that!"
Where'er I go, they shout "Hello! Where did you get that hat?"

If I go to the op'ra house, in the op'ra season
There's someone sure to shout at me without the slightest reason.
If I go to a concert hall to have a jolly spree,
There's someone in the party who is sure to shout at me:
CHORUS:

At twenty-one I thought I would to my sweetheart get married;
The people in the neighbourhood had said too long we'd tarried.
So off to church we went right quick, determined to get wed;
I had not long been in there, when the parson to me said:
CHORUS:

I once tried hard to be M.P. but failed to get elected,
Upon a tub I stood, round which a thousand folks collected;
And I had dodged the eggs and bricks (which was no easy task),
When one man cried, "A question I the candidate would ask!"
CHORUS:

When Colonel South, the millionaire, gave his last garden party
I was amongst the guests who had a welcome true and hearty;
The Prince of Wales was also there, and my heart jumped with glee,
When I was told the Prince would like to have a word with me.
CHORUS:

Oh, jolly jumbucks, another sweaty little tune to stir the heart and loins, what!!
Till next time, a bientot!

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAT?
(Words and music by James Rolmaz)
(Copyright by Francis, Day & Hunter, Ltd.)

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Here's a little ditty my uncle, Admiral Shuntwiggle, penned on returning to home port one time. Fortunately he handed a copy on to me, so here's my rendition (ahem).

The Admiral's Sea Shanty

We're coming into port

With a cheering escort

And I'm on the bridge looking dashing.

My ship's the Renown

She sails for the Crown

(Harrumph) All shipshape and Bristol fashion.

If e'er you'd mock her

To Davy Jones locker

When you've had a damned good lashing.

Descended from Nelson

(Ahem) Well, maybe his bosun

And pirates, with teeth all a-gnashing.

I'm not at sea

Yet still, I may be

When I'm in my indoor pool.

Well, it's really my bath

So sit on that hearth

And you'll learn how Britannia still rules.

My toy boat collection

I make selections

Bring nations together to duel.

Wearing my floaties

I battle with boaties

Transfixed so that I start to drool. (Slurrrp) Oh, terribly sorry about that! I get so carried away, you know! Now, where was I??!! Oh yes!

We're coming into port

With a cheering escort

And I'm on the bridge looking dashing.

My ship's the Renown

She sails for the Crown

All shipshape and Bristol fashion.

If e'er you'd mock her

To Davy Jones locker

When you've had a damn good lashing.

Descended from Nelson

Well, yes, his bosun

And pirates, with teeth all a-gnashing.

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All that singing before cleaned out the lungs somewhat! May as well launch into a bit of poetry while I'm at it.

Here's one version of some 'prose' written by a certain Sergeant-Major Jonathon Lennon from my old regiment. Quite a lark he was!!

I am C as you are D as you are E

And we are alphabetical.

See how they run like ink to a pun

See how and why, I’m trying.

Sitting on a sand dune underneath the desert sun.

Victoriana conquest, mad dogs ‘n’ Englishmen.

Sir, you take the bloody pith, you’ve grown your toenails long.

I am the camelman

They are the camelmen

I am the desert fox

Koo-koo at noon.

Major-General Cashman shouting to his burly batman

Down below.

See how the sky just flew in my eye

See how tears run, I’m not crying.

Yellow butter custard dripping from that dromedary’s eye.

Grab a hankie, Private, clean away the mucky mess.

Sir, you take the bloody pith, you dropped your knapsack down.

I am the camelman

They are the camelmen

I am the desert fox

Koo-koo at noon.

So, there you have it. Loved to have a go at all ranks did our Mr. Lennon. Well, I shall get back to my journal after having swept out the cobwebs with that lot!

Welcome Fellow Travellers

31.1.09

Contacting The Colonel

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